Making Do-3/10/10

When I wrote my last post about what I made for dinner, I fully expected to finish the five recipes I had left from February and write a somewhat clever summary about the month's Bon Appetit recipes. Well, life doesn't always go as I've planned it. On Friday, February 26th, I learned that my only brother, Ben, had taken his life. For the next 10 days, I ate food made by other people who know that, though nothing heals the hurt of death, the gift of food gives those who grieve one less thing to think about. I love my brother and I really miss him. It makes me so sad to think that he ended his life because he loved nothing enough to keep living. Depression is like that. You can't see the great love around you and you no longer feel great love. I have so much in my life I love, my husband, my daughter, my parents, my friends, reading books, waking up late, cooking, and even writing this blog. I could go on.

Tonight, as I was making my first real meal since returning home, I realized something. It began when I carried a whiny Eyrleigh, just up for her nap, toward the car to run to the store. It was almost 5. I thought about the list in my pocket and began to calculate leeks for onions, got that... not enough tuna, but I have crab... no chips, but I have Ritz crackers. I turned around, took Eyrleigh back inside and made dinner with what I had.

That's a bit like life after you lose someone you love. You make do with what you got. The recipe doesn't taste the same. It feels like something is missing. But one day you make a substitution that tastes surprisingly good and though you will always miss the original, you begin to find the recipe is beginning to taste better again.
Tonight's dinner of Tuna Noodle Casserole with Leeks and Fresh Dill from page 77 of March's Bon Appetit was really good with a few substitutions. I had no leeks so I used onions. I had no fresh dill but I did have dried dill. I had only one 3-ounce bag of tuna but I had some canned crab meat to add to make enough meat. The Ritz crackers were whole wheat and were a healthier substitute for potato chips. All the substitutions worked, though the crabmeat was more mild in flavor than the tuna. The roux was a prefect consistency and didn't add a lot of time over the traditional recipe.

My dessert, the Blood Orange Polenta Upside-Down Cake with Whipped Creme Fraiche on page 91, had some substitutions too. Blood oranges are not easy to find. I just used regular navel oranges. I replaced the creme fraiche with sour cream, something I almost always do in cooking magazine recipes. The thing I was most proud of about this recipe is catching the caramelized sugar at just the right point. The color was perfect and though I should have sliced the oranges thinner, the top was perfect when inverted. The cake was good too, not overly sweet or gritty. One warning is to wrap the leftover cake well immediately after eating. It dries out quite quickly.

Tuna Noodle Casserole With Leeks and Fresh Dill-B+

Blood Orange Polenta Upside-Down Cake with Whipped Creme Fraiche-B+